Author: Eve
Today was Boxing Day , two years ago I celebrated it with a pint or two of FEC-T, for those of you reading who don't know what this is, in a nutshell it's a pink chemo drug that beats the complete shit out of you..... so much so even typing the words brings an involuntary retch to my throat.
Fast forward two years on, the festive season is ending and I suppose we all reflect, I know I have and I have had a few epiphanies....
My babies are growing fast, I suspect this is the last year Santa will be left mince pies and it makes me sad, they are starting to have their own opinions, their own thoughts and believe in their own way of thinking which as a mother of girls is a tough one. I don't believe in Santa is the one line I won't want to hear next year but I hope with all my heart I will be here to hear it.
The mothers from my group who never made it are constantly in my thoughts. Their babies are 'celebrating' Christmas without their mumma. My heart aches with sadness when I think of them all. A cruel roll of a dice that made them unlucky. There are at least 9 children I know who have lost their mum to breast cancer. To know you are leaving your children must be the worst pain imaginable.
And so I have to replace those thoughts, put something in their place that means I don't burst into tears because my eldest rolls her eyes at Santa, I am there to see it, to feel it, to breathe it in and to wrap my arms around her still, which despite her protests at my display of over excited Elf emotion I do.
Having girls you worry about weather they will go through what you have? I have told them to have mastectomies, I figure prevention is the biggest weapon I have and boy am I going to bloody use it for them.
Back to my epiphanies... brought on by the emotions of Christmas and the cruel blows delivered to the online ladies going through treatment.....
Little girls are fed bull shit, I have decided, and I have also decided that I for one will not be filling my daughters heads with such bollocks.... The following apply and I will write it in a book if they want me to.
I do not believe in the following .....
Things happen for a reason
(What a load of crap! Like you are meant to get illness and sorrow)
Just wait, karma will deliver
(Again, bull steaming shit, no it doesn't, no one gets what they deserve, the rich get richer, the bad prosper and the good get taken advantage of and the sweetest, gentlest people have some terrible 'karma' delivered)
You are only given what you can handle
(Load of ...... You handle what you are given and put your gloves on and punch, you didn't receive it because you were stronger than Thelma the class shy girl)
Good things come to those that wait
(ha ha, yeah right, excuse me while I run in front of you cus if I don't get it for myself, it just ain't gunna happen, sit there if you want but I'm off )
I could go on but you probably think I am a bitter old hag, I know I am not. As a mother of girls I will bring them up with an inner strength, a mental strength that gives them power, power to make their bubble happy, to find true friendships and real love, the type that is not contaminated with fairy tale cliches that somehow justify suffering and pain and other people treating them like doormats. The only way to do this is to lead by example, to show them , for all the ladies that desperately wanted to but can't, I will .
And Santa will still get his mince pie even if my girls laugh at me, just because I can.
X
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Thursday, 7 January 2016
Thursday, 29 October 2015
Breast cancer awareness month: Tainted school days
Author: Charlotte S
I loved school, from my tiny primary to my huge secondary where I stayed on to do A levels.
I was fortunate to not get bullied, I wasnt miss popular nor the cleverest, I was me and I coasted along without any major concerns.... I look back on those years with a smile and good memories and I'm grateful to Facebook for helping me to reconnect with special friends.
But now I look at my children who were 12 and 14 when I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer and I wonder how different their time at secondary school could have been. It makes me feel sick that when they look back at these years in 20 years time will all the fun times be tainted by the memory of what home was like. My cancer is a stubborn mule and almost 5 years on I'm still having almost constant treatment. Have they gone to school and been laughed at because their mum has no hair and one boob...I know they wouldnt admit it to me... Both my children have great friends but its all the others that worry me...was there a child who would say things as they passed?
Would they have done even better in their exams if they didnt have me at home hogging the attention? I know I took my eye off the ball when it came to nagging over revision.
But most of all I just hate the thought that they will look back with sadness.
I loved school, from my tiny primary to my huge secondary where I stayed on to do A levels.
I was fortunate to not get bullied, I wasnt miss popular nor the cleverest, I was me and I coasted along without any major concerns.... I look back on those years with a smile and good memories and I'm grateful to Facebook for helping me to reconnect with special friends.
But now I look at my children who were 12 and 14 when I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer and I wonder how different their time at secondary school could have been. It makes me feel sick that when they look back at these years in 20 years time will all the fun times be tainted by the memory of what home was like. My cancer is a stubborn mule and almost 5 years on I'm still having almost constant treatment. Have they gone to school and been laughed at because their mum has no hair and one boob...I know they wouldnt admit it to me... Both my children have great friends but its all the others that worry me...was there a child who would say things as they passed?
Would they have done even better in their exams if they didnt have me at home hogging the attention? I know I took my eye off the ball when it came to nagging over revision.
But most of all I just hate the thought that they will look back with sadness.
Wednesday, 28 October 2015
Breast cancer awareness month: Motherhood and cancer
Author: Christina B
A breast cancer diagnosis is a shock to the system. Fact. Throw in to that system the fact that you are a single mum, you have no family network for 200 miles and the fact your child's paternal father will only accommodate your son for 1 overnight stay a week.
Tricky... But doable.
Doable.... Every time I logged into the YBCN network (Facebook life saving page for younger women from the UK aged under 45 with breast cancer) I kept hearing everyone say this word. Doable for me equates to when my son hands me his dirty PE kit before bedtime and asks me to have it sorted before the morning for his PE lesson. That's doable.
Doable is on a Sunday night when all the shops are closed and he tells me he's got cooking the following day for school and I have to source 7 ingredients I don't have in my cupboard at Tesco at 7am Monday morning. That's doable.
Breast cancer with my circumstances, I'm yet to be convinced that can be added to the doable list.
Anyway a quick rewind back to the day I was diagnosed and my first thoughts on hearing I had cancer. Firstly I thought that the consultant must have made a mistake as my own doctor had sent me for a mammogram as she was beyond sure that it was "only a cyst". Secondly while my head was trying to process the myriad of information, my son consumed my thoughts, I could see him in my mind so clearly.
He was holding a roll of black bin liners, trying to work out firstly where the perforations were, - not before rolling out about at least 4 conjoined together. In my mind after he had found the perforations and tore one off he was trying and failing to open it up, licking his fingers repeatedly but getting frustrated at the fact that the bag stayed firmly closed.... This daydream was a reality. It happened 2 days before diagnosis after asking my son to change the bin bag and we both laughed at the fact that he was 12 and made such a pigs ear of it.
Fast forward to the consultants room and my mind kept playing this scene on a loop. I was going to die and leave my son without this basic life skill. Never mind all the other life skills that I hadn't got round to teaching him. My mind was an array of confusion and panic, just as the whirl wind of cancer starts to spin, the foundation of motherhood is the first to get shaken. What would happen to my son and who would look after him? I'm supposed to be his care giver. Who would feed him and go to parents evenings? Who would wash his PE kit? Who would make his sandwiches with no butter on? Who would help him with his schoolwork?
My head was spinning. I had to make a choice to either go under with this news or to embrace it and make a damn good plan of a way to get through this curveball because motherhood and cancer do not mix. My 12 year old son grew up overnight when I told him I had breast cancer. You cannot underestimate the strength and resilience of a child until you subject them to a situation that requires both of these characteristics.
A breast cancer diagnosis is a shock to the system. Fact. Throw in to that system the fact that you are a single mum, you have no family network for 200 miles and the fact your child's paternal father will only accommodate your son for 1 overnight stay a week.
Tricky... But doable.
Doable.... Every time I logged into the YBCN network (Facebook life saving page for younger women from the UK aged under 45 with breast cancer) I kept hearing everyone say this word. Doable for me equates to when my son hands me his dirty PE kit before bedtime and asks me to have it sorted before the morning for his PE lesson. That's doable.
Doable is on a Sunday night when all the shops are closed and he tells me he's got cooking the following day for school and I have to source 7 ingredients I don't have in my cupboard at Tesco at 7am Monday morning. That's doable.
Breast cancer with my circumstances, I'm yet to be convinced that can be added to the doable list.
Anyway a quick rewind back to the day I was diagnosed and my first thoughts on hearing I had cancer. Firstly I thought that the consultant must have made a mistake as my own doctor had sent me for a mammogram as she was beyond sure that it was "only a cyst". Secondly while my head was trying to process the myriad of information, my son consumed my thoughts, I could see him in my mind so clearly.
He was holding a roll of black bin liners, trying to work out firstly where the perforations were, - not before rolling out about at least 4 conjoined together. In my mind after he had found the perforations and tore one off he was trying and failing to open it up, licking his fingers repeatedly but getting frustrated at the fact that the bag stayed firmly closed.... This daydream was a reality. It happened 2 days before diagnosis after asking my son to change the bin bag and we both laughed at the fact that he was 12 and made such a pigs ear of it.
Fast forward to the consultants room and my mind kept playing this scene on a loop. I was going to die and leave my son without this basic life skill. Never mind all the other life skills that I hadn't got round to teaching him. My mind was an array of confusion and panic, just as the whirl wind of cancer starts to spin, the foundation of motherhood is the first to get shaken. What would happen to my son and who would look after him? I'm supposed to be his care giver. Who would feed him and go to parents evenings? Who would wash his PE kit? Who would make his sandwiches with no butter on? Who would help him with his schoolwork?
My head was spinning. I had to make a choice to either go under with this news or to embrace it and make a damn good plan of a way to get through this curveball because motherhood and cancer do not mix. My 12 year old son grew up overnight when I told him I had breast cancer. You cannot underestimate the strength and resilience of a child until you subject them to a situation that requires both of these characteristics.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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Thursday, 8 October 2015
Breast cancer awareness month: The worst day of my life
Author: Natalie
Can you believe it?
It's 18th Sept 2013, 6 months to the day since I had the worst day of my life, when my lovely consultant said "I'm sorry Natalie it's cancer". I can still remember every detail as if it was yesterday. I remember sobbing and saying over and over again "how do I tell her, how do I tell her, how do I tell my mum". It was a thousand kicks in the gut, shit - Billy - what if I have to leave him, what if I have to miss him growing up, he needs me, Scott needs me, my sisters, oh god does that mean they could get it? I'd spent 2 weeks since my biopsy imagining how I'd tell my parents 'just in case', never thinking I'd actually have to. Kneeling down in front of them and saying breast cancer's back but this time it's me was the hardest thing ever. Seeing my dad's face turn grey before my eyes as he relived the memories they just knew too much. He'd already watched the woman he loved go through it less than 2.5years before now he'd do it all again with his little girl.
Why the hell is life so cruel and why the hell did I have to break my parents' hearts? I couldn't tell my sisters so I called their partners on the way back from the hospital and got them to do my dirty work. Scott's mum and dad were just as bad, they knew I was going for results and when they hadn't heard from us for a couple of hours I think they'd guessed the worst. I broke their hearts too, in fact that day I broke everyone's heart and I absolutely hated it.
The couple of weeks following my diagnosis are a blur. It's weird, I can remember some bits so unbelievably clearly yet others all blend into one. I needed to decide my op. At first I hated my puppies, what once were one of my favourite parts of my body were now my most hated 'asset', I didn't want them they were why I may have to leave my son, they were 'killing' me. Over time though I grew to realise it was the cancer lump that was the issue not my boobs. I was lucky the lump was on the top of my left breast meaning it could be found and removed easily, so I decided on a lumpectomy. With a little boy who had only turned 2 a few days before my diagnosis I couldn't afford a long recovery which would have been the case if I'd had my breast removed.
I had my operation on the 16th April and it became my worst nightmare. I'd been for the radioactive injection that morning ready to be injected with blue dye and turned into a smurf for my Sentinel Node Biopsy. Sadly I never got the dye as just before I went to theatre I found out I was pregnant. Now life is really bloody cruel. I had appendicitis when I was 38 weeks pregnant with my son and had to have it removed, 2.5 weeks later I had an emergency c section, so was advised not to conceive for 2 years to give my body chance to recover from 2 abdominal surgeries. We'd 'made love' once, a week after my diagnosis, while my tits still looked good and we were careful. That was 2 years pretty much exactly, it would have been perfect.......if I didn't have cancer.
I was told on my own, I remember every detail, the nurses chatting in the corner, my nurse's face as she slowly walked over, calling Scott in tears, calling him again an hour later and hearing him sob. Being wheeled to theatre for my operation and worst of all waking from my op clutching my belly the exact same way I did 2 years previously, already it was our baby, oh god, and in its first few weeks of life I was feeding it poison after poison.
I received the results from the op a week and a half later. They removed it all with clear margins and it wasn't in the 2 nodes that they could remove. Brilliant news, yet not all great as it was grade 3 triple negative, the most aggressive and hard to treat of all breast cancers. I needed to start chemo as soon as possible... the chemo I needed I couldn't have while pregnant!
I had no other choice - not only did I need to start chemo ASAP, I'd already had so many medical procedures including a radioactive injection that could seriously affect the development of the baby. Scott also told me he and Billy needed me too much and it wasn't fair to risk my life when the baby may not survive anyway and he could lose both of us. I arranged for a medical termination. I hated waiting for that day, like with Billy I had bad morning sickness and no matter how hard I tried I loved it so much already and wanted to do everything in my power to protect it yet instead I was organising to end it's life before it had even begun. I spent nearly 3 weeks praying nature would help me out but sadly that wasn't the case and I had to do it, have the abortion and say goodbye to my baby, our dream and what could be our last chance of having another child. Sadly due to the pregnancy I could no longer have fertility treatment to freeze my eggs so I now just pray that my ovaries have survived the treatment and in a few years we'll get the chance to try again.
2 weeks later I started my chemo. 3 lots of what's known as FEC followed by 3 TAX. I'd like to say this was all plain sailing but I'd be lying. FEC is nasty and I had a severe reaction to my first one about 2 hours after I returned home. I was admitted to hospital and spent 14 hours constantly being sick and wrenching so much I could hardly catch my breath and burst all the blood vessels around my neck and face, at one point I honestly thought I was dying, my poor parents they were there through it all and all they could do was watch. Eventually with the help of some very strong drugs the amazing staff got it under control and 3 days later I was discharged to go back to my mum and dad's to be spoilt rotten.
That's when my new routine started. Every 3 weeks I'd go for chemo on the Friday morning, I'd go back to my parents and ride out the steroids and sickness till the Tuesday. I'd then go back home to my boys. The first week was a write off, second week and half the third I felt crappy, extremely tired and had body aches I couldn't even begin to describe but I could just about function, and the end of the third week I filled to the brim with as many fun things as possible.
Yes I've had my moments through chemo and have had some very bad side effects but I've been lucky, I have not had an infection and have managed to stay as fit and well as possible throughout. I had my last chemo on the 6th of September and actually left the hospital dancing (didn't last long haha). All in all it has flown by and as hard as it's been I've done it, got through it and come out the other side hairless, missing quite a few finger and toenails, and a lot skinnier but I'm still smiling.
I will be starting phase 3 of my treatment plan at the beginning of October where I'll undergo 20 sessions of radiotherapy. Already have Ellie Goulding's 'you gotta let it burn, burn, burn' running round my head. Then that's it I'm done, a couple of months of tiredness then I'll be doing more than I've ever done, loving and living life to the complete maximum.
As much as these have been the most horrendous 6 months of my life that I'd never want to repeat, I have also added some of the most amazing and fun filled memories to counteract the bad. My little sister and her best mate's weddings (being a rapping bridesmaid and rocking the fascinator and skinhead look), Billy's first trip to Alton Towers and a trip to the zoo with mine and Billy's best friends to name just a few. It's amazing how having cancer makes you see things differently, it makes you appreciate everything and everyone you have, it makes you thankful and most of all it makes you realise what's really important and what you should and shouldn't worry about.
6 months down the line I truly feel like I've been blessed and I am extremely lucky. Yes nature has dealt me some really, really crap hands but at the end of the day I caught it early, I have got over the worst of my treatment and come out the other side literally dancing. I may have had to say goodbye to my baby (by far the hardest and most horrendous decision I've ever made and something I will live with forever), but the fact we conceived so easily and at the most stressful time I have hope, hope that one day we can add to our little family again. But more than anything I really am grateful and couldn't thank everyone around me enough for the love and support I've received, I truly could not have done it without knowing I had my family and friends by my side and of course my little 2 year old son Billy, he's truly been the best medicine anyone could ever have wished for, and I'm thankful every single day that I have such an amazing son.
Can you believe it?
It's 18th Sept 2013, 6 months to the day since I had the worst day of my life, when my lovely consultant said "I'm sorry Natalie it's cancer". I can still remember every detail as if it was yesterday. I remember sobbing and saying over and over again "how do I tell her, how do I tell her, how do I tell my mum". It was a thousand kicks in the gut, shit - Billy - what if I have to leave him, what if I have to miss him growing up, he needs me, Scott needs me, my sisters, oh god does that mean they could get it? I'd spent 2 weeks since my biopsy imagining how I'd tell my parents 'just in case', never thinking I'd actually have to. Kneeling down in front of them and saying breast cancer's back but this time it's me was the hardest thing ever. Seeing my dad's face turn grey before my eyes as he relived the memories they just knew too much. He'd already watched the woman he loved go through it less than 2.5years before now he'd do it all again with his little girl.
Why the hell is life so cruel and why the hell did I have to break my parents' hearts? I couldn't tell my sisters so I called their partners on the way back from the hospital and got them to do my dirty work. Scott's mum and dad were just as bad, they knew I was going for results and when they hadn't heard from us for a couple of hours I think they'd guessed the worst. I broke their hearts too, in fact that day I broke everyone's heart and I absolutely hated it.
The couple of weeks following my diagnosis are a blur. It's weird, I can remember some bits so unbelievably clearly yet others all blend into one. I needed to decide my op. At first I hated my puppies, what once were one of my favourite parts of my body were now my most hated 'asset', I didn't want them they were why I may have to leave my son, they were 'killing' me. Over time though I grew to realise it was the cancer lump that was the issue not my boobs. I was lucky the lump was on the top of my left breast meaning it could be found and removed easily, so I decided on a lumpectomy. With a little boy who had only turned 2 a few days before my diagnosis I couldn't afford a long recovery which would have been the case if I'd had my breast removed.
I had my operation on the 16th April and it became my worst nightmare. I'd been for the radioactive injection that morning ready to be injected with blue dye and turned into a smurf for my Sentinel Node Biopsy. Sadly I never got the dye as just before I went to theatre I found out I was pregnant. Now life is really bloody cruel. I had appendicitis when I was 38 weeks pregnant with my son and had to have it removed, 2.5 weeks later I had an emergency c section, so was advised not to conceive for 2 years to give my body chance to recover from 2 abdominal surgeries. We'd 'made love' once, a week after my diagnosis, while my tits still looked good and we were careful. That was 2 years pretty much exactly, it would have been perfect.......if I didn't have cancer.
I was told on my own, I remember every detail, the nurses chatting in the corner, my nurse's face as she slowly walked over, calling Scott in tears, calling him again an hour later and hearing him sob. Being wheeled to theatre for my operation and worst of all waking from my op clutching my belly the exact same way I did 2 years previously, already it was our baby, oh god, and in its first few weeks of life I was feeding it poison after poison.
I received the results from the op a week and a half later. They removed it all with clear margins and it wasn't in the 2 nodes that they could remove. Brilliant news, yet not all great as it was grade 3 triple negative, the most aggressive and hard to treat of all breast cancers. I needed to start chemo as soon as possible... the chemo I needed I couldn't have while pregnant!
I had no other choice - not only did I need to start chemo ASAP, I'd already had so many medical procedures including a radioactive injection that could seriously affect the development of the baby. Scott also told me he and Billy needed me too much and it wasn't fair to risk my life when the baby may not survive anyway and he could lose both of us. I arranged for a medical termination. I hated waiting for that day, like with Billy I had bad morning sickness and no matter how hard I tried I loved it so much already and wanted to do everything in my power to protect it yet instead I was organising to end it's life before it had even begun. I spent nearly 3 weeks praying nature would help me out but sadly that wasn't the case and I had to do it, have the abortion and say goodbye to my baby, our dream and what could be our last chance of having another child. Sadly due to the pregnancy I could no longer have fertility treatment to freeze my eggs so I now just pray that my ovaries have survived the treatment and in a few years we'll get the chance to try again.
2 weeks later I started my chemo. 3 lots of what's known as FEC followed by 3 TAX. I'd like to say this was all plain sailing but I'd be lying. FEC is nasty and I had a severe reaction to my first one about 2 hours after I returned home. I was admitted to hospital and spent 14 hours constantly being sick and wrenching so much I could hardly catch my breath and burst all the blood vessels around my neck and face, at one point I honestly thought I was dying, my poor parents they were there through it all and all they could do was watch. Eventually with the help of some very strong drugs the amazing staff got it under control and 3 days later I was discharged to go back to my mum and dad's to be spoilt rotten.
That's when my new routine started. Every 3 weeks I'd go for chemo on the Friday morning, I'd go back to my parents and ride out the steroids and sickness till the Tuesday. I'd then go back home to my boys. The first week was a write off, second week and half the third I felt crappy, extremely tired and had body aches I couldn't even begin to describe but I could just about function, and the end of the third week I filled to the brim with as many fun things as possible.
Yes I've had my moments through chemo and have had some very bad side effects but I've been lucky, I have not had an infection and have managed to stay as fit and well as possible throughout. I had my last chemo on the 6th of September and actually left the hospital dancing (didn't last long haha). All in all it has flown by and as hard as it's been I've done it, got through it and come out the other side hairless, missing quite a few finger and toenails, and a lot skinnier but I'm still smiling.
I will be starting phase 3 of my treatment plan at the beginning of October where I'll undergo 20 sessions of radiotherapy. Already have Ellie Goulding's 'you gotta let it burn, burn, burn' running round my head. Then that's it I'm done, a couple of months of tiredness then I'll be doing more than I've ever done, loving and living life to the complete maximum.
As much as these have been the most horrendous 6 months of my life that I'd never want to repeat, I have also added some of the most amazing and fun filled memories to counteract the bad. My little sister and her best mate's weddings (being a rapping bridesmaid and rocking the fascinator and skinhead look), Billy's first trip to Alton Towers and a trip to the zoo with mine and Billy's best friends to name just a few. It's amazing how having cancer makes you see things differently, it makes you appreciate everything and everyone you have, it makes you thankful and most of all it makes you realise what's really important and what you should and shouldn't worry about.
6 months down the line I truly feel like I've been blessed and I am extremely lucky. Yes nature has dealt me some really, really crap hands but at the end of the day I caught it early, I have got over the worst of my treatment and come out the other side literally dancing. I may have had to say goodbye to my baby (by far the hardest and most horrendous decision I've ever made and something I will live with forever), but the fact we conceived so easily and at the most stressful time I have hope, hope that one day we can add to our little family again. But more than anything I really am grateful and couldn't thank everyone around me enough for the love and support I've received, I truly could not have done it without knowing I had my family and friends by my side and of course my little 2 year old son Billy, he's truly been the best medicine anyone could ever have wished for, and I'm thankful every single day that I have such an amazing son.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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Breast cancer awareness month: Deal with God
Author: Cim M
So I made my deal with God, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. He can take me when my boys have finished school, college and university. Not any time sooner! They need me. I don’t want them growing up without their Mummy. I don’t want them being screwed up when they’re older.
Being a mum is the only thing in life that I got really right. The only thing I wanted and loved to do. I appreciate it, the journey I have had to get them both and my love for them is indescribable.
I made a deal with God, hoping, praying he would hear me. I’m not religious but if there is a God, I hope he hears my plea.
After surgery, chemo, radiotherapy, counselling, hormone treatment, going into the menopause at 31, surely he can give me a break? Surely he will grant my one wish?
He can take me when my babies are grown men, when they don’t need me so much. But I’m an adult and I still need my Mum, will they still need me then?
I made a deal with God, he can take me when my children have families of their own. My husband will be there for them. A wonderful, loving family unit.
My husband keeps making plans for the future, when we’re old. So I make a deal with God, he can take me when my husband and I have made so many more memories together. I want to grow old with him so much.
Maybe I can make another deal with God. That I will do good in the world and be the best possible human being I can be and he will let me die of old age. An old lady surrounded by all my family.
And it’s peaceful. And it’s calm and they will be ok without me.
So God, if you’re watching or listening, if you even exist, deal or no deal?
So I made my deal with God, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. He can take me when my boys have finished school, college and university. Not any time sooner! They need me. I don’t want them growing up without their Mummy. I don’t want them being screwed up when they’re older.
Being a mum is the only thing in life that I got really right. The only thing I wanted and loved to do. I appreciate it, the journey I have had to get them both and my love for them is indescribable.
I made a deal with God, hoping, praying he would hear me. I’m not religious but if there is a God, I hope he hears my plea.
After surgery, chemo, radiotherapy, counselling, hormone treatment, going into the menopause at 31, surely he can give me a break? Surely he will grant my one wish?
He can take me when my babies are grown men, when they don’t need me so much. But I’m an adult and I still need my Mum, will they still need me then?
I made a deal with God, he can take me when my children have families of their own. My husband will be there for them. A wonderful, loving family unit.
My husband keeps making plans for the future, when we’re old. So I make a deal with God, he can take me when my husband and I have made so many more memories together. I want to grow old with him so much.
Maybe I can make another deal with God. That I will do good in the world and be the best possible human being I can be and he will let me die of old age. An old lady surrounded by all my family.
And it’s peaceful. And it’s calm and they will be ok without me.
So God, if you’re watching or listening, if you even exist, deal or no deal?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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Thursday, 1 October 2015
Breast cancer awareness month: Single parent breast cancer diagnosis
Author: Debbie M
Three months after stopping breastfeeding my son, I found a lump in my right breast. With no family history of breast cancer and only being 38 years old at the time, I put it down to changes in breast tissue. Three months later I was at the GP surgery with a much bigger lump. The GP thought it wasn't anything too sinister and referred me on to the non-urgent appointment system at the breast care clinic.
Six weeks later I was sitting in the breast clinic full of optimism that is was nothing to worry about. Qualifying as a nurse just before my son was born, all of the machinery and tests interested me. I felt quite at ease and not nervous at all. If anything, i was grateful for the thorough examinations given to me. Two days later I was invited back for the results.
Sitting in the examination room with my consultant and breast care nurse I was told I had a Ductal Carcinoma In Situ and due to its very large size, the only treatment advisable would be a mastectomy. My only questions were When? How long will I need to be in hospital away from my son? How long is the recovery period? Will I be able to care for my son? My son was 2 years 4 months at the time of diagnosis.
It was pre-cancer cells they said, and I wouldn't need any other treatment. I went away thinking I will need help with my son for 2 weeks post surgery and then all will be ok and back to normal. Family who lived away could take it in turns to help us. It would be exciting for my son. He would be spoilt rotten!
I couldn't have been more wrong. The cancer cells were found to be invasive. This changed everything. My whole world came crashing down and I have never been more terrified in all of my life.
I'd told everyone that I was going to be ok. 2 weeks was all the help I was going to need for my son's care. Now I was facing another surgery, months of chemotherapy, radiotherapy, Herceptin and tamoxifen. Who was going to look after my son?????? I was a single parent where my son relied on everything from me especially being fit and healthy. What was i going to do???
Surely there would be organisations and charities that could assist a single parent family during their absolute time of need???? For weeks I was frantic with worry as to who was going to care for my son. I needed to start my chemotherapy regime knowing that he was happy having the childhood that he most definitely deserved, playing and being able to be a happy toddler. I worked tirelessly with agencies and children's services to have a plan of care but due to our geographic location there was nothing available. I cannot describe into words how helpless I felt.
There was nothing left for me to do apart from volunteer my precious little boy to Social Services where they would label him "A Child in Need". My son was "A Child in Need". I had made my son "A Child in Need". Even my cancer diagnosis was not as devastating as this. The guilt and the pain of having to do this will haunt me forever.
Fortunately I was able to find an outstanding private nursery setting for my son which was funded by Social services throughout my treatment and my son thrived and was happy.
Being a single parent with a cancer diagnosis opened up all those horrendous questions such as "who will care for my son if I die". I want to see my son go to school. I want to see my son play his first footie match. I need to see my son grow up into the most remarkable young man I know he will be. These are the things I harbour alone. Far too often wishing I had the other parent to provide reassurance for my son's future should anything happen to me.
As for my son, well he is AMAZING! We have embraced every situation together. He has caused absolute chaos in inappropriate medical environments! But i would not be here and as strong without him. He loved my bald head. Understood that I had to stay in bed for long periods of time due to being so poorly. He would come and snuggle up into bed with me for cuddles and picnics! He was able to have adventures with visiting family and so many treats! He loves my magic boobie and magic hair. During my good few days inbetween chemotherapy, we would say goodbye to everyone and reconnect as mother and son and spend quality time together.
My son is now three and a half. We have an incredible bond. As I reflect back on our cancer journey, we got through it! He knows I love him to the moon and back! I just hope one day I can be at peace with decisions I had to make for my son during a horrendous time in our lives.
Debbie and Rory xxx
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Three months after stopping breastfeeding my son, I found a lump in my right breast. With no family history of breast cancer and only being 38 years old at the time, I put it down to changes in breast tissue. Three months later I was at the GP surgery with a much bigger lump. The GP thought it wasn't anything too sinister and referred me on to the non-urgent appointment system at the breast care clinic.
Six weeks later I was sitting in the breast clinic full of optimism that is was nothing to worry about. Qualifying as a nurse just before my son was born, all of the machinery and tests interested me. I felt quite at ease and not nervous at all. If anything, i was grateful for the thorough examinations given to me. Two days later I was invited back for the results.
Sitting in the examination room with my consultant and breast care nurse I was told I had a Ductal Carcinoma In Situ and due to its very large size, the only treatment advisable would be a mastectomy. My only questions were When? How long will I need to be in hospital away from my son? How long is the recovery period? Will I be able to care for my son? My son was 2 years 4 months at the time of diagnosis.
It was pre-cancer cells they said, and I wouldn't need any other treatment. I went away thinking I will need help with my son for 2 weeks post surgery and then all will be ok and back to normal. Family who lived away could take it in turns to help us. It would be exciting for my son. He would be spoilt rotten!
I couldn't have been more wrong. The cancer cells were found to be invasive. This changed everything. My whole world came crashing down and I have never been more terrified in all of my life.
I'd told everyone that I was going to be ok. 2 weeks was all the help I was going to need for my son's care. Now I was facing another surgery, months of chemotherapy, radiotherapy, Herceptin and tamoxifen. Who was going to look after my son?????? I was a single parent where my son relied on everything from me especially being fit and healthy. What was i going to do???
Surely there would be organisations and charities that could assist a single parent family during their absolute time of need???? For weeks I was frantic with worry as to who was going to care for my son. I needed to start my chemotherapy regime knowing that he was happy having the childhood that he most definitely deserved, playing and being able to be a happy toddler. I worked tirelessly with agencies and children's services to have a plan of care but due to our geographic location there was nothing available. I cannot describe into words how helpless I felt.
There was nothing left for me to do apart from volunteer my precious little boy to Social Services where they would label him "A Child in Need". My son was "A Child in Need". I had made my son "A Child in Need". Even my cancer diagnosis was not as devastating as this. The guilt and the pain of having to do this will haunt me forever.
Fortunately I was able to find an outstanding private nursery setting for my son which was funded by Social services throughout my treatment and my son thrived and was happy.
Being a single parent with a cancer diagnosis opened up all those horrendous questions such as "who will care for my son if I die". I want to see my son go to school. I want to see my son play his first footie match. I need to see my son grow up into the most remarkable young man I know he will be. These are the things I harbour alone. Far too often wishing I had the other parent to provide reassurance for my son's future should anything happen to me.
As for my son, well he is AMAZING! We have embraced every situation together. He has caused absolute chaos in inappropriate medical environments! But i would not be here and as strong without him. He loved my bald head. Understood that I had to stay in bed for long periods of time due to being so poorly. He would come and snuggle up into bed with me for cuddles and picnics! He was able to have adventures with visiting family and so many treats! He loves my magic boobie and magic hair. During my good few days inbetween chemotherapy, we would say goodbye to everyone and reconnect as mother and son and spend quality time together.
My son is now three and a half. We have an incredible bond. As I reflect back on our cancer journey, we got through it! He knows I love him to the moon and back! I just hope one day I can be at peace with decisions I had to make for my son during a horrendous time in our lives.
Debbie and Rory xxx
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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