Author: Tamsin
I was aware of cancer when I was growing up but it wasn’t something that we talked about. My aunt had breast cancer in her fifties but lived well into her seventies, my nana eventually died of breast cancer, although not until she was in her eighties. In our early twenties, my sister and I saw a genetics specialist and we both remember the doctor’s parting words - “You have nothing to worry about. Go, live your life!” So that’s what we did.
I won’t ever forget the beautiful Spring day in May 2009 when I realised I had breast cancer. It was not long after my fortieth birthday and I was in my step-dad’s garden in North Wales. I watched two hawks fly high, high up in a blue sky. I remember the long grass and the smell of the earth. My step-dad had died a few weeks previously and I was thinking about how much he would have enjoyed having me and my sister at home. It had been during his illness that I first noticed a change above my left breast, a few centimetres below my collar bone. Lying back in the grass, I traced the outline of a crab-like shape. There was something about the way it gripped tightly to my ribs that frightened me and I was alarmed to find that it had grown without me noticing. I made an instant decision to return home to London to see my GP. When, two weeks later, I found out that I had breast cancer, I wasn’t surprised and felt relief that the waiting was over and at last we could do something.
My Oncologist asked about my family history and we talked about me being referred to a Cancer Genetics clinic when I finished my chemotherapy - he thought it might be too much to deal with while I was going through my treatment. I completed a long and detailed questionnaire about my family history over Christmas, contacting my father - who I am not in touch with and didn’t grow up with - so I could fill in the forms. It was at this point that I began to realise that there was a history of breast cancer in my father’s, as well as my mother’s family. Although fewer women were affected, their cancers had been deadly. Our family tree looked as though a forest fire had burned through the generations. I was desperately sad to learn that my paternal grandmother had died of breast cancer a few days after my birth and that we had both been diagnosed at exactly the same age.
In March 2010, the genetics Consultant explained that I appeared at low risk of having an inherited mutation and was not eligible for genetic testing. I was asked to take part in a research study looking for other mutations and I agreed readily, wanting to do my bit to contribute to the development of science. The study also tested participants for the BRCA1 and BRCA2 mutations.
In the year I waited for the results, I began to ‘move on’ as they say and to re-build my life. My hair grew back and my body recovered. There were even days when I wondered whether I had actually had cancer at all. I tried not to worry when the appointment finally came around in March 2011. Sadly, it’s only when you have had a cancer diagnosis that you really understand what it’s like to wait for scan, or test results; the sick fear that sits like a toad in the pit of your stomach, the bargaining that goes on in your head. My strategy ‘to prepare for the worst and hope for the best’ sounds glib but the reality is that I end up in a kind of madness, swinging between wild optimism and hopeless despair!
Finding out, seemingly against the odds, I did have a BRCA1 mutation came as a total shock. It’s the only time through everything that has happened that I have cried in front of a doctor. All I could think about was my daughter, my sister and half-sister. I felt like having the gene was my fault; that I was cursed. It scared the shit out of me.
I spent the weeks that followed desperately trying to find positives - ‘Oh well’ I thought ‘At least that explains why I got breast cancer’ or, ‘No one else in my family will have to go through breast cancer.’ It took a long time before I appreciated that I too faced ongoing risk; just because I had got one breast cancer didn’t mean I wouldn’t get cancer again. I felt like a cancer-bomb ready to blow up.
If like many people, your views about inherited mutations are based on the brave - and public - accounts given by Angelina Jolie Pitt, you might reasonably expect that once I found out I was a cancer-bomb, risk-reducing surgery was a no-brainer. Not a chance! I found that I really did not want to have a bilateral mastectomy. I had developed a deep fear of hospitals after my first brush with cancer and never wanted to set foot over the threshold of a hospital again. And anyway I quite liked having breasts, even if they had tried to kill me. But, I rationalised, I definitely didn’t want cancer again so I would just have to have surgery. But, then I didn’t want surgery with all its associated risks and pain. I kept going round and round, trapped in a Mobius strip of indecision.
I contacted Breast Cancer Care and the National Hereditary Helpline and spoke to other women, to find out how they had coped and what decisions they had made. I saw an amazing counsellor at Maggie’s who helped me to think about what my breasts meant to me, as a woman, as a mother, as a lover. I realised that I was never going to ‘want’ to have my breasts removed, that even though I did not want risk-reducing surgery, I could go ahead with it because it was ‘the least worst option.’ Over time, I learnt to feel empowered by my awareness about my ongoing risk; unlike my aunts and grandmothers, I had the opportunity to choose how to live with my risk and give myself the best chance of living a long and healthy life.
I did go on to have mastectomies about 6 months later but unfortunately, they were not without complications. A second breast cancer was discovered from the tissue removed from my breasts and I had to have more chemotherapy. It was a particularly sneaky cancer because it had not shown up on any of my scans so unwittingly my decision to have surgery may have saved my life. I had my ovaries removed the following year.
Through a process of elimination, we found out that I had inherited the BRCA1 mutation from my father’s side of the family, not my mother’s family as we had thought. I also found out I had a half-sister. It wouldn’t be right to share my sister and half-sister’s stories, but I’ve found it incredibly hard to stand by and watch them grapple with their own genetic heritage.
So many women in my family had breast cancer, but I know nothing about their experiences. I find myself wondering what they thought about their illness, how they felt and coped. I can hardly bear to think of my daughter having to deal with our family history in the future but my greatest hope is that if and when the time comes, I will still be here to help and support her. I dedicate this blog to her, to my mum and the future generations of my family.
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Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Author: Danielle
October 2014 - October 2015
I went into the very first day of October 2014 to an emergency appointment with my GP having found a lump in the shower the previous day. I was lucky in so many ways. I was lucky to get an appointment with my actual GP who knows me and I was lucky that she considered my symptoms before she considered my age (31). I'd found my lump as I said the day before lathered up in the shower. It's how I normally check them as I find it easier. That morning as I got dressed and ready to go to my appointment I realised I also had an indented line that ran from under my boob right around the side and to the exact spot my lump was.
I was sent away with an urgent referral to the breast clinic just 12 days later. At the appointment I was given an ultrasound and they took 3 core biopsies. On 22nd October I was diagnosed with Grade 3 triple negative breast cancer. It was very aggressive but it was caught early and highly treatable. A week later I was given an MRI and CT. My smiles hid my fears. I thought I was going to die.
On 7th December I cut my hair off to donate to the Little Princess Trust. At this point I knew chemo was a must on my to do list. I had my close family and friends around and we made a day of it with wine and cake. My daughter, who had struggled with the thought of me losing my hair helped cut a few of the lengths which really helped her prepare, and everyone had a go at chopping it off.
The following day I had a wide local excision, and unbeknownst to me a full axillary node clearance while under. Although my MRI and CT had shown that my nodes were clear it had in fact spread to 3 of my nodes and I had micromets in 1 other. Bugger! I've never had major surgery before. Carrying 2 children and giving birth was the toughest thing my body had gone through by that point, but my goodness I didn't realise how tough it would be. I'd lost all sensation in my armpit and the top of my arm, I had to carry around a bottle of my own body fluids for a week.
I was so sore, tired and emotional. I hadn't prepared for it at all. Then I started to sound like a hot water bottle. I had seromas. They were agony. One in my armpit and one in my boob. Just after Christmas the one in my boob sprung a leak. So I was taken to hospital, redressed, and the one in my armpit was drained. About a week later my boob popped again in spectacular fashion, all over me, my poor son and my hall carpet. I held myself over the sink and I could see the hole in my boob so I supported it with my hand. What I hadn't realised was my boob had taken in air and upon supporting it the air pushed out and my boob farted!!!!! I laughed until the tears came. Around the same time the cording started in my arm, this is where the axillary vessels that once connected to the nodes under your arm in effect die off. They harden and become very stiff. I couldn't move my arm without being in extreme amounts of pain. Gentle exercise eased it but it's only taken until recently to get a decent amount of pain-free movement in my arm.
On 9th January I had another surgery to fit my portacath, this was to become my best chemo tool. Consider it an artificial vein - it sits in my chest and the line goes up into my neck and down into the artery that feeds my heart. Sometimes when I lean forward I can feel the line tickling my heart. It took the chemo directly into my body and saved my veins from being destroyed by the evil stuff.
On 14th January I had my very first chemo of FEC-T combination. 3-weekly FEC followed by 3-weekly tax. My final chemo was on 29th April. It's all a bit hazy now. I think I went through the whole thing in a daze.
Chemo comes with a list of side effects as long as your arm. I hope this picture illustrates just some of those side effects (I realise some of these are doubles and aren't all specifically Chemo related but they are all cancer related)
It's tough but it's doable. I couldn't taste a thing from around 4 days after my first chemo right through till about 3 weeks after my last, although my appetite was insatiable. Couple that with the steroids and I ballooned. I had some weird side effects like losing all the skin under my arms after my first Tax. We discovered that I'm intolerant to GCSF- an injection that you give yourself in the tummy to boost your white blood cell count. Luckily my counts did really well until my very final chemo when I became neutropenic and spent a couple of days in hospital on IV antibiotics until my levels started to rise again. The result of this though was a pretty nasty case of thrush in my gut but after about a week all was well again. Most were all pretty standard rubbish effects. It's exhausting and the effects of it are still very present in day to day life. My Achilles tendons are still sore. I get worn out really quickly. My nails are still falling off in bits and pieces and I still have numb fingers.
My radiation therapy started on 9th June for 19 sessions. 15 local therapies including my clavicle and 4 targeted therapies at the tumour site. Radiotherapy is a walk in the park compared to chemo. It's very tiring and unfortunately I suffered with horrible burns which I had to dress for about 3 weeks after I'd finished.
My active treatment finished on 29th June. I'd developed rib pain and some symptoms in my bad boob before radiotherapy started so I had to undergo a bone scan during radiotherapy. They inject radioactive dye and this should flash up cancer in your bones. They also wanted to take a biopsy of my boob as an ultrasound scan had shown thickening in my breast but it was deemed to risky to do during radiotherapy as rads can (and did) break the skin down which can cause infections and delay treatment. It was at the appointment on 3rd July for my biopsy that I was told my bone scan was clear and the pain was likely surgery related. Big bloomin' phew! About a week later when I was back at the radiotherapy department to get my burns seen to, I bumped into my oncologist who had just signed off my biopsy results. With a big beaming smile he told me it had also come back clear, I do however have lymphedema in my breast but I'll take that over a relapse any day. I'm free of cancer, and I hope with every fibre of my being it stays that way.
It hasn't all been bad. I've met some amazing like minded women along the way. I was honoured to be able to take part in the launch of a new charity "breast cancer now" and their the last one advert which launched in June.
And I was able to record a couple of brief bio's to help the campaign. (Here and here)
It was an amazing experience and as I write this there may be more of my face to be found on their website and Facebook page for breast cancer awareness month. I also got to have a special day thanks to the Willow Foundation, an amazing charity for 16-40 year olds with life threatening illnesses. It was amazing. I ate amazing food at Tom Kerridge's The Hand and Flowers with an overnight stay at the Complete Angler. I'll never forget it.
It's been a rollercoaster year. It's been hard on everyone, not just me. My family have been an amazing pillar of support and my children have got me out of bed in the morning. I fought for all of them. We embrace every day. We don't put anything off now. We take lots of photographs and we make lots of memories. I can't be certain what the future holds but for now I'm just happy to be moving forward. To try to rediscover some old parts of me and make the best I can out of what has happened xx
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Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Author: Sonia
Having a rough time with my periods, having my left tube removed a few years ago, and then being sterilised and then the coil fitted a few months ago, I thought my hormonal track would get back to normal, no it's been the curse of all curses, bleeding all the time, boobs playing up. Till one day it got so bad, I honestly thought is was mastitis, went to the doctor, no it's an infection, nothing to worry about, anti-biotics, a week later still no difference, another course of anti-biotics. To the point I moaned so much at my doctor they referred me to my local breast clinic, appointment in the post, first one had to decline as I had an ultra sound booked for woman's problems that was more important, then was on holiday for 5 days, canal boat, love them plus this year took my mum and dad away, first holiday for them since my mums cardiac arrest two years ago.
The day came 22nd of July, I'm certain it's nothing I'm 100% human so I can only say 90% it's a cyst or fibrous lump (the words of my consultant), 23rd of July biopsies to prove their theory, 30th of July, just after being offered my dream job, I was told I had breast cancer with possibilities of melanoma, shock, stunned, anger, hatred, why me?!, it was meant to be nothing, I'm going to die, lose my family, give up now, all these emotions in a few seconds, I'd literally a few hours ago been given the job of my dreams, my world was falling apart within seconds, I was rushed off to have a mammogram, this showed nothing!! I had to then wait a further gruelling two weeks, MRI & more cell tests.
The 13th of August came, this was my day, YES IT'S ONLY BREAST CANCER, we celebrated the good news, people still say now I'm quackers, I'm then told I'll face surgery in the next few weeks, my pre-op appointment came through, 26th of August, all good with me, there's no way I'll have my surgery on the 27th of August, my 40th birthday, lo and behold I had my lumpectomy on my 40th birthday, the best birthday present ever, life begins at 40, mine has, I'm going to nail this cancer, say bye bye, live my life, love my life. I'm now facing chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I have triple negative grade 3 cancer, this time next year I will be laughing over the past years experience.
Love to all, I love my life xx
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Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.
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Author: MJ
A lifetime of hypochondria and a fertile imagination had prepared me for the moment I got my biopsy results. A dashing but authoritative TV doctor would swoop in, one glance to camera before fixing his eyes on me with a compassionate gaze. The worst news would of course be announced and I would drop to the floor, weeping in my husband’s arms. End music plays.
Well, there weren’t any cameras and ‘dashing’ is a very subjective thing, but the kind doctor I had first met the week before knew that the wait had already been agony enough and he didn’t prolong the announcement. Yes, it is cancer. I missed my cue at this point, I didn’t drop to the ground.
A voice in my head said ‘of course, I knew it would be’. Not negatively, just calmly. Shaking at first, taking long breaths, I sat down with my husband and a Breast Care Nurse (BCN) to talk through my feelings, my options, the road ahead. I wasn’t sad much – just a few tears when I saw the pain my husband was feeling, which I felt guilty for causing. I wanted facts, I wanted prognosis (on a scale of 1 to 10 would do!) I wanted control. In shock? Definitely. Scared? All the time. My young children, my elderly father, the life changing interior design course I was due to start the week after flashed neon in my mind.
After an hour or so of sitting with the BCN, I realised that I was actually getting pretty bored. Ok, I get it - got cancer, got options, got to fight. What I needed to do was get out of there, work out a plan, make a list, start my fight.
First, to tell people. “Hi Dad, yeah I’m alright. Is Mum there?” Texts sent out to interrupt peaceful days on holiday, playing with the children or concentration at work. Right, done.
Next, my interior design course. Yes, I could defer the start date. A flood of relief to feel control was returning.
Now the children, all of whom were about to go back to school. The youngest, twins, were starting for the first time. The timing of it all suddenly made me really cross – why hadn’t this tumour, so clever it could take a life, checked my diary first? In fact, more than that, the girls need me for longer than a few weeks. It is just not ok to take me away from them before I see the beautiful adults they will grow up to be. Fight. Control.
That takes me pretty much to where I am today, waiting for a lumpectomy in 2 weeks. I did cry, I did get very sad, but I also spent a lot of time thinking about my plan. My diet has changed radically and I’m starting to exercise. I am leaning on friends in a thoroughly un-British, un-me way. I have also started to make plans for a future without me. Some people find this hard to hear – stay positive, I’m told. But this is positive for me. Just in case, and the chances are small, just in case I’m not here, I need to still feel like I could be a parent. This takes away my fear, it is not pessimism. And yes, however long I am around for, this will remind me not to take life for granted, not to put things off. Live in the present, stop dreaming about what might never (or sometimes will) be.
Life’s not a TV script.
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Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.
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Author: Miranda A
Miranda also writes a blog at Black Chick Tit Cancer.
I got diagnosed with Stage 2 Grade 3 breast cancer on Thursday 21st August 2014. To say it was a shock is, clearly, an understatement. My father died unexpectedly in February, so I thought nothing else as devastating as that could possibly happen, never mind so close together in time.
I was with my mother in the hospital when I got the news. I remember being told by my breast consultant, Miss P, "You seem very quiet" "It's just a lot to take in, that's all" I replied. If you know me, being quiet is very unusual behaviour from myself.
My head was swimming with thoughts of death, funerals, mastectomies, tests, chemotherapy, hair loss, weight gain, weight loss and other equally negative thoughts. At the age of 32, I couldn't believe I had to deal with breast cancer. Even though it runs in the family, (both my maternal aunts in Ghana have had it) I never expected it would get to me. I probably hoped it wouldn't more than anything.
Early on, I was asked, due to my age, if I wanted to have eggs frozen as chemotherapy affects your fertility. Before my diagnosis, I was in two minds whether I wanted children or not. Now, because the choice had potentially been taken away from me, I developed a burning sensation of wanting the chance of being a mother. There's nothing like being forced to make a decision that crystallises your mind. It reminds me of the episode of Friends when Rachel takes a second pregnancy test to see if she really is pregnant. She isn't sure what to do and if she wants to have a baby. Phoebe looks at the test result and tells Rachel she isn't, which makes Rachel sad, but Phoebe reveals that she was lying in order for Rachel to confront her true feelings and decide what she truly wants.
I was referred to the fertility consultant, Mr. B in order to discuss the collection and freezing of my eggs. The day before my appointment, I received a phone call from the hospital. They told me that freezing my eggs would not be a problem but they could only be frozen for five years and because I was single, if I wanted to use them in the future, I was ineligible for free IVF and would have to pay for it. So not only was I being punished for getting breast cancer in the first place, I was also getting punished for being single. Or at least that's what it felt like. It wasn't like any of this was my fault, but through circumstances beyond my control, I was being kicked when I was already down.
The day of my appointment came and I was in a waiting room of expectant mothers and couples. I felt like a bit of a fraud being there and thought everyone in the waiting room was thinking, "What is she doing here?" When I got to see Mr. B, he had a look at my cervix, womb and ovaries to make sure things were okay for me to progress for egg harvesting. Through the examinations, it transpired that my ovaries were larger than normal, which indicated that I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). So, on top of breast cancer, I find out I have this. I suppose you could look at it as if I didn't get diagnosis with breast cancer, I wouldn't have found out when I did that I have PCOS. But it did feel that the universe was conspiring for me not to have any biological children as PCOS makes it difficult to conceive.
The examinations also found that I was at the stage in my cycle where I was nowhere near ovulating, so I would have to wait about a month before attempting to extract any eggs. However, I was told that eggs have better odds of surviving the freezing and thawing process if they are fertilised first, so I had to consider possibly using a sperm donor, which brings up a whole different range of emotions and questions. "If I meet someone, would they be okay with not being the biological father of my potential child even though they could be perfectly okay to have biological children of their own?" "Would I be able to meet someone if I'm a single parent?" "How would I feel about the father of my child being someone I don't even know?" "How would I even start to explain to my child the circumstances behind their birth?"
All this became a moot point the next day when I went to the cancer hospital to speak to my locum oncologist, Dr. S. She explained to me that my tumour was a fast growing one and hinted that waiting a month to start egg extraction might not be a luxury I could afford to take. She told me that due to my age and great level of fitness (I'd just done the Great North Run three days before), even though chemotherapy does affect your fertility, the odds were more in my favour than not of it coming back. In addition, it had been established that my type of breast cancer was ER+. In order to stimulate egg formation, you have to be given hormones. As hormones made my tumour grow, it wouldn't be a good idea to pump my body full of hormones, even though I would have been given more drugs to stop any cancer cells trying to attach to the hormones. I decided there and then to press ahead with starting chemotherapy without having any eggs frozen. It showed how urgent I needed to start treatment as it was arranged for me to begin chemotherapy the very next day.
I ended up having 8 cycles of chemotherapy, a lumpectomy, auxiliary node clearance (11 lymph nodes near my arm pit removed) and 20 sessions of radiotherapy. At the moment, I'm nearing the end of receiving Herceptin, taking beta blockers to counter the damage the Herceptin has done to my heart and on Tamoxifen and Zoladex. As the big meaty parts of my treatment have finished, a lot of people wrongly assume that everything is over and done with. They don't see that there are on-going ramifications. I'm at the age where my friends and family are getting married and having children of their own (I've been to three christenings/baptisms this year alone) but that part of my life seems beyond reach for me due to my diagnosis and treatment. When I explain to people about my issues with fertility because of the breast cancer, I'm usually met with the same response, "Oh, I didn't realise! I didn't even think about that side!" It's hard being surrounded by people going through that next stage in their lives while you are unable to do the same through no fault of your own.
I was lucky that I've been offered some form of fertility consultation and examination, some women in some parts of the country don't even get that chance or offer. It seems to be a bit of an after-thought, which makes an already emotionally fraught situation even worse. Not every woman wants to have children or have any more children, of course. But, for those, like myself, that do want biological children, we're being left behind. I do have to keep telling myself that motherhood isn't completely a pipe dream; there's always adoption, being a step-parent, godparent, surrogacy and egg donation. It's just a long line of difficulties that you go through when you deal with breast cancer. But you can come through it. That's the main thing.
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Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.
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Author: Debbie M
Three months after stopping breastfeeding my son, I found a lump in my right breast. With no family history of breast cancer and only being 38 years old at the time, I put it down to changes in breast tissue. Three months later I was at the GP surgery with a much bigger lump. The GP thought it wasn't anything too sinister and referred me on to the non-urgent appointment system at the breast care clinic.
Six weeks later I was sitting in the breast clinic full of optimism that is was nothing to worry about. Qualifying as a nurse just before my son was born, all of the machinery and tests interested me. I felt quite at ease and not nervous at all. If anything, i was grateful for the thorough examinations given to me. Two days later I was invited back for the results.
Sitting in the examination room with my consultant and breast care nurse I was told I had a Ductal Carcinoma In Situ and due to its very large size, the only treatment advisable would be a mastectomy. My only questions were When? How long will I need to be in hospital away from my son? How long is the recovery period? Will I be able to care for my son? My son was 2 years 4 months at the time of diagnosis.
It was pre-cancer cells they said, and I wouldn't need any other treatment. I went away thinking I will need help with my son for 2 weeks post surgery and then all will be ok and back to normal. Family who lived away could take it in turns to help us. It would be exciting for my son. He would be spoilt rotten!
I couldn't have been more wrong. The cancer cells were found to be invasive. This changed everything. My whole world came crashing down and I have never been more terrified in all of my life.
I'd told everyone that I was going to be ok. 2 weeks was all the help I was going to need for my son's care. Now I was facing another surgery, months of chemotherapy, radiotherapy, Herceptin and tamoxifen. Who was going to look after my son?????? I was a single parent where my son relied on everything from me especially being fit and healthy. What was i going to do???
Surely there would be organisations and charities that could assist a single parent family during their absolute time of need???? For weeks I was frantic with worry as to who was going to care for my son. I needed to start my chemotherapy regime knowing that he was happy having the childhood that he most definitely deserved, playing and being able to be a happy toddler. I worked tirelessly with agencies and children's services to have a plan of care but due to our geographic location there was nothing available. I cannot describe into words how helpless I felt.
There was nothing left for me to do apart from volunteer my precious little boy to Social Services where they would label him "A Child in Need". My son was "A Child in Need". I had made my son "A Child in Need". Even my cancer diagnosis was not as devastating as this. The guilt and the pain of having to do this will haunt me forever.
Fortunately I was able to find an outstanding private nursery setting for my son which was funded by Social services throughout my treatment and my son thrived and was happy.
Being a single parent with a cancer diagnosis opened up all those horrendous questions such as "who will care for my son if I die". I want to see my son go to school. I want to see my son play his first footie match. I need to see my son grow up into the most remarkable young man I know he will be. These are the things I harbour alone. Far too often wishing I had the other parent to provide reassurance for my son's future should anything happen to me.
As for my son, well he is AMAZING! We have embraced every situation together. He has caused absolute chaos in inappropriate medical environments! But i would not be here and as strong without him. He loved my bald head. Understood that I had to stay in bed for long periods of time due to being so poorly. He would come and snuggle up into bed with me for cuddles and picnics! He was able to have adventures with visiting family and so many treats! He loves my magic boobie and magic hair. During my good few days inbetween chemotherapy, we would say goodbye to everyone and reconnect as mother and son and spend quality time together.
My son is now three and a half. We have an incredible bond. As I reflect back on our cancer journey, we got through it! He knows I love him to the moon and back! I just hope one day I can be at peace with decisions I had to make for my son during a horrendous time in our lives.
Debbie and Rory xxx
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Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.
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Hello!
Welcome to October, also known as Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
My name is Sarah. I'm 34 years old and in July last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Last October, I was halfway through 18 weeks of chemotherapy. With my veins tight, hard and sore as a result of the chemo drugs, my hair falling out, and my anxiety levels through the roof, I realised I hated breast cancer awareness month. At best it was annoying (pink ribbons and cake sales everywhere). At worst it was offensive (pink Playboy bunnies with their perfect non-cancery, unscarred breasts posing in train stations raising awareness of Playboy London breast cancer). I promised myself that if I were still alive in October this year, I'd do some awareness raising of my own. As it happens - I am lucky enough to still be alive and I realised this blog would be the perfect platform for that awareness raising.
So throughout October, this blog will be sharing posts written by young women in the UK who want to tell you what breast cancer is really like. We are going to tell you about what it's like to be told you have cancer and what it's like when your hair starts falling out. We are going to tell you what it's like to have your husband leave you when you are going through chemotherapy and how it feels to not know if you will see your children grow up. We are also going to tell you about the friendships that get you through it, and the acts of kindness that really make a difference. We are going to tell you about the new perspectives on life that a breast cancer diagnosis brings. (And so much more).
I hope that this series helps more people to realise that breast cancer isn't the pink and fluffy cancer. It is deadly, and it is terrifying. Please do continue to buy the pink ribbons and organise the cake sales - fundraising is important. But please also think about the real impact of breast cancer on lives and PLEASE learn how to check yourself and do it regularly. An early diagnosis makes the difference between living and dying.
Do "Like" and share our Facebook page, and if you are on Twitter you can follow the blog there too.
Very best wishes,
Sarah
PS If you are a young woman in the UK (around 45 years old or younger) who has had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to contribute to this October series please have a read of this information.
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Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
