Author: Victoria Yates
Victoria set up the Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for young women in the UK under the age of 45 with a breast cancer diagnosis. If you are a woman in the UK who has been diagnosed with breast cancer under the age of 45 please do have a look and consider joining.
Also if you haven't already - check out the YBCN #nottooyoung campaign for Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
I'm not brave
I was just turned 36 the day
They said, I'm sorry chuck,
But the lump that you came in with
Is cancer. Such shit luck.
I wasn't listening anyway,
I was in a different world.
I'd just been hit with a ton of crap
As my formerly nice life unfurled.
And I wasn't very brave you know,
As I sobbed and screamed that day.
Total terror gripped my soul
And I shared it straight away!
None of this stoic, none of this calm,
Shove those "'its what's meant to be'.
I was happy to scowl and to tut all day long
"Why did this happen to me?"
And I wasn't "so brave" because I had treatment
There wasn't a choice to be made ,
I bit off their hand at each chance for my life
And thanked God for each treatment they gave.
I asked them to cut me, to poison, to burn
The cancer right out of my being.
And I whined and I cried and was pissed off to hell
As I struggled with pooing and weeing.
And I struggled with eating, and drinking as well,
As everything tasted like shit,
And I struggled with walking and climbing the stairs
And it even would hurt just to sit.
I struggled with mirrors, and showers and reading
I struggled with watching TV.
I struggled to talk without hurling abuse
But excelled being sorry for me!
So, yes, I continued to get through each day
To tackle the treatment head first
I made sure I did the best that I could
Whilst cancer was doing its worst.
Because I'm a mum, because I'm a daughter,
A friend and a sister and wife,
I must do my best to keep myself well,
I must, cos I've only one life.
And no, I'm not brave and I'm not so inspiring,
I was dealt a crap hand, fair to say,
But if YOU found yourself in that same position
You'd also have done it my way.
You'd also have made the friends that I've made
As together you walk down this road,
And your heart would have broken, again and again
As their time in this world shrank and closed.
So yes, I get angry and yes I get bitter
And yes I get pissed off as hell,
But I also enjoy a life full of moments
To live, and to love. Might as well.
Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts
Wednesday, 28 October 2015
Sunday, 11 October 2015
Breast cancer awareness month: Winning the race
Author: PJW
In 9 small months, not even a year,
a dark tunnel I've walked through.
But today here I stand,
I'm still here, I'm alive
But not the girl I once knew.
I speak the words you want hear,
"I'm fine, I'm well, yes, all done"
And the reply you give is "you're so positive"
"You've had to be for your daughter and son."
Don't you think I know that?
Can you not feel my guilt?
Our family is broken
Good foundations that we built.
Yes I'm here, I'm alive
And my future looks good,
But my children have seen things
No child ever should.
The scars are healing
And my hair is back
It's time to get us all back on track.
But where am I? Where do I fit in?
I'm still running a race that I might never win.
But today is mile one, and that's how it will go.
One step at a time, take it slow.
My body is weak, my bones they ache,
But I'm winning this race with every step I take.
In 9 small months, not even a year,
a dark tunnel I've walked through.
But today here I stand,
I'm still here, I'm alive
But not the girl I once knew.
I speak the words you want hear,
"I'm fine, I'm well, yes, all done"
And the reply you give is "you're so positive"
"You've had to be for your daughter and son."
Don't you think I know that?
Can you not feel my guilt?
Our family is broken
Good foundations that we built.
Yes I'm here, I'm alive
And my future looks good,
But my children have seen things
No child ever should.
The scars are healing
And my hair is back
It's time to get us all back on track.
But where am I? Where do I fit in?
I'm still running a race that I might never win.
But today is mile one, and that's how it will go.
One step at a time, take it slow.
My body is weak, my bones they ache,
But I'm winning this race with every step I take.
Sunday, 4 October 2015
Breast cancer awareness month: But Not Me – Could have. Would have. Should have.
Author: Detrice M
Detrice writes at www.detricematthews.wordpress.com
So sad to hear.
Somebody else's news,
but it would not happen to me.
Someone else's mother, someone else's daughter,
but it could not happen to me.
One day when, in the future.
Perhaps by chance?
but probably not to me.
'I can only imagine'. 'You poor thing',
but it would not happen to me.
'Of course I will check', tomorrow. Or the next day,
but it could not happen to me.
I am young, I am healthy. I am busy,
but it should not happen to me.
Could have. Would have. Should have.
just may be too late.
Detrice writes at www.detricematthews.wordpress.com
So sad to hear.
Somebody else's news,
but it would not happen to me.
Someone else's mother, someone else's daughter,
but it could not happen to me.
One day when, in the future.
Perhaps by chance?
but probably not to me.
'I can only imagine'. 'You poor thing',
but it would not happen to me.
'Of course I will check', tomorrow. Or the next day,
but it could not happen to me.
I am young, I am healthy. I am busy,
but it should not happen to me.
Could have. Would have. Should have.
just may be too late.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sunday, 21 June 2015
Friendships
Author: Sarah
I'm still here, please don't fear.
I need a friend someone on whom I can depend.
I don't need much, just fun and such.
The treatment may be rough but I've got that I'm tough.
Please take heed to what I need.
Friendship gives me wings to fly on the day every inch of my body cries.
A coffee, a walk, a call it's enough to help me stand tall.
I won't ask, I won't call, I won't tell you I need you but you can be sure that I do.
Just for now please do the giving, I'm trying my best to just do the living.
If you can't talk about the scary C, well that's fine just come and have a cup of tea.
Who knows the future neither you not I. Imagine how you'd want to feel and please try.
Cancer hasn't killed me, please don't kill our friendship.
I'm still here, please don't fear.
I need a friend someone on whom I can depend.
I don't need much, just fun and such.
The treatment may be rough but I've got that I'm tough.
Please take heed to what I need.
Friendship gives me wings to fly on the day every inch of my body cries.
A coffee, a walk, a call it's enough to help me stand tall.
I won't ask, I won't call, I won't tell you I need you but you can be sure that I do.
Just for now please do the giving, I'm trying my best to just do the living.
If you can't talk about the scary C, well that's fine just come and have a cup of tea.
Who knows the future neither you not I. Imagine how you'd want to feel and please try.
Cancer hasn't killed me, please don't kill our friendship.
Strength in numbers
Author: Sarah
I know a gang of girls
They'll give anything a whirl!
The bravest bunch you'll ever meet.
Keeping up with them is no mean feat.
Their backgrounds are to put it bluntly diverse
Some of their conversation topics distinctly perverse
They challenge themselves mentally and physically every day
They keep going on and on come what may
They take risks with what they do
and what they put their bodies through
Not much is out of bounds
and they are always prepared to break new ground.
They forgo their femininity
to prove the strength of women you see.
Their hairstyles ever changing
their depth of character amazing
Theirs are lives lived at a hundred miles an hour
Life at this speed rarely makes them sour
They are made of such strong stuff
a quiet life will never again be enough
Imagine life permanently on a rollercoaster and you'd be getting there
These girls are so very alive that of death they're well aware
Adrenaline junkies never fearing the end....
No think again my friend
No youthful frivolity risking life on a whim
These girls really feel every ray of sun on their skin
They'd never risk it all on a dance with chance knowing what they know
and they always give everything that matters a second glance to remember it just so
They may be soft and frilly
but are also strong and gritty
A force to be reckoned with,
yours a perception to be messed with
These girls would challenge you
they run deeper than you ever do
I know what you're thinking
what sort of girl you're envisaging
Well you'd be so wrong
so very very wrong
With youth you'd be right
But try as you might
you won't ever guess what moulds these girls and makes them shine so bright!
A gang of girls I bet you'd like to get to know!
Well please read on and consider what's below
The thing that has tried or is trying to take their lives
Is what makes them walk a path that seems to be paved with upturned knives
These are your mothers,
your daughters, your sisters, your lovers
Living with or overcoming cancer isn't a fight try as you might
An adversary not to be beaten, cancer of lives makes light
These are not always pink princesses
desperate to return to blow drying their tresses
but neither are they joyless victims
devoid of all that life brings
They live, they love, they laugh and they cry
but despite the best medicine can do some of them still die.
They are the largely unknown,
they don't publicly moan.
They are often forgotten, let down, ignored and left feeling socially drowned.
So how do you feel about these girls now?
************************************
Younger Breast Cancer Network
This post refers to the Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - a support and chat group for young women with a breast cancer diagnosis in the UK.
For more information see the YBCN Facebook page.
You can also follow YBCN on Twitter @YBCN_UK
I know a gang of girls
They'll give anything a whirl!
The bravest bunch you'll ever meet.
Keeping up with them is no mean feat.
Their backgrounds are to put it bluntly diverse
Some of their conversation topics distinctly perverse
They challenge themselves mentally and physically every day
They keep going on and on come what may
They take risks with what they do
and what they put their bodies through
Not much is out of bounds
and they are always prepared to break new ground.
They forgo their femininity
to prove the strength of women you see.
Their hairstyles ever changing
their depth of character amazing
Theirs are lives lived at a hundred miles an hour
Life at this speed rarely makes them sour
They are made of such strong stuff
a quiet life will never again be enough
Imagine life permanently on a rollercoaster and you'd be getting there
These girls are so very alive that of death they're well aware
Adrenaline junkies never fearing the end....
No think again my friend
No youthful frivolity risking life on a whim
These girls really feel every ray of sun on their skin
They'd never risk it all on a dance with chance knowing what they know
and they always give everything that matters a second glance to remember it just so
They may be soft and frilly
but are also strong and gritty
A force to be reckoned with,
yours a perception to be messed with
These girls would challenge you
they run deeper than you ever do
I know what you're thinking
what sort of girl you're envisaging
Well you'd be so wrong
so very very wrong
With youth you'd be right
But try as you might
you won't ever guess what moulds these girls and makes them shine so bright!
A gang of girls I bet you'd like to get to know!
Well please read on and consider what's below
The thing that has tried or is trying to take their lives
Is what makes them walk a path that seems to be paved with upturned knives
These are your mothers,
your daughters, your sisters, your lovers
Living with or overcoming cancer isn't a fight try as you might
An adversary not to be beaten, cancer of lives makes light
These are not always pink princesses
desperate to return to blow drying their tresses
but neither are they joyless victims
devoid of all that life brings
They live, they love, they laugh and they cry
but despite the best medicine can do some of them still die.
They are the largely unknown,
they don't publicly moan.
They are often forgotten, let down, ignored and left feeling socially drowned.
So how do you feel about these girls now?
************************************
Younger Breast Cancer Network
This post refers to the Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - a support and chat group for young women with a breast cancer diagnosis in the UK.
For more information see the YBCN Facebook page.
You can also follow YBCN on Twitter @YBCN_UK
The betrayal
Author: Sarah
I have been cheated and let down, this thought causes such a heavy frown.
The stress I feel to those around me seems so unreal.
They still see their bodies as unfailing machines. Whereas I have faith in not one part of my body it seems.
Sleep is a blissful respite but on waking I begin to feel the fright.
This society of blame and claim has not helped life in the cancer game.
I seek reassurance even though it comes without insurance.
My caring consultant cannot deliver what I crave to calm my imagination for fear of litigation.
But two years believing there will be years galore would free me more than ten believing there would only be four.
It has already happened I am the scenario unlikely so how do I face a new freckle and believe I am not the minority.
Each day brings fleeting aches, new symptoms all creating mental earthquakes.
The internet has become synonymous with the devil in my head. A prophecy of doom lies on every thread.
Day to day life is all in all back to normal but how do I know which new fear I make formal.
My doctor I'm sure views me with both pity and disdain I feel unable to visit again and again!
Where does that leave me? The scar still remaining mocks me daily with its lumpy irregular formation.
Daring me to roll that dice and risk missing what could so cruelly happen twice.
If my husband betrayed me I could chose to remove him from my life. It's not so easy when what betrayed me also sustains my life.
I have been cheated and let down, this thought causes such a heavy frown.
The stress I feel to those around me seems so unreal.
They still see their bodies as unfailing machines. Whereas I have faith in not one part of my body it seems.
Sleep is a blissful respite but on waking I begin to feel the fright.
This society of blame and claim has not helped life in the cancer game.
I seek reassurance even though it comes without insurance.
My caring consultant cannot deliver what I crave to calm my imagination for fear of litigation.
But two years believing there will be years galore would free me more than ten believing there would only be four.
It has already happened I am the scenario unlikely so how do I face a new freckle and believe I am not the minority.
Each day brings fleeting aches, new symptoms all creating mental earthquakes.
The internet has become synonymous with the devil in my head. A prophecy of doom lies on every thread.
Day to day life is all in all back to normal but how do I know which new fear I make formal.
My doctor I'm sure views me with both pity and disdain I feel unable to visit again and again!
Where does that leave me? The scar still remaining mocks me daily with its lumpy irregular formation.
Daring me to roll that dice and risk missing what could so cruelly happen twice.
If my husband betrayed me I could chose to remove him from my life. It's not so easy when what betrayed me also sustains my life.
The life I've lost
Author: Sarah
I'm still here and I don't mind at what cost
But still I grieve for the life I've lost
The hopes and dreams of yesterday remain
But now are tempered with fear and restraint
I long to dream of getting old
But tempting fate is just too bold
Relationships become strained
Thoughts of death on conversations rain
Fear has stolen many friends
Illness and treatment to isolations tends
No evidence of disease does my ears please
But friends have blown through with the breeze
The distance caused by what I'm not clear
Lack of kindness I'm sure not, perhaps it's fear
Each day passes much the same as the last
But how I long for the days that are past
Carefree coffees, aimless shopping
But friends they rarely do drop in
What should they say, what should they do
My answer to that just be you
Will it change I do hope so
For life without friends is terribly slow
I don't talk cancer all day
Please come we've plenty to say
The weather, friends, clothes, food, shoes and men
All topics I can cover again and again
Just be my friend if you're finding it hard
Drop me a card
I'll understand and appreciate your view
But please come visit me do!
Monday, 15 June 2015
Fairytale lost, YBCN Found
Author: Sarah
Once upon a while ago I felt almost invincible.
The days were short the years rushed by and I presumed I'd look old age in the eye.
One day last year all that changed when I found out some of my cells had become deranged.
I felt I would soon be dead, it filled me with enormous dread
I imagined motherless kids and my husband an empty bed.
The mist it gathered all around all I could do was keep close to the ground.
I felt my way through those first few days all senses were numb is all I can say.
Loved ones tried to help me by but the fear and the hurt was in their eyes.
Friends some left which made me more bereft.
The game of life had rolled my dice and the number I'd got didn't feel that nice.
The mists still remained, my life was so pained my thoughts and my fears were driving me insane.
Alone I felt and alone I was despite my lovely family I felt just one.
A girl in a waiting room one day mentioned a group that might help along the way.
A break in the clouds, a chink of light, help me along well this just might.
That break it grew what a difference it could make I hardly knew then a beautiful rainbow came bursting through.
It grew and grew right down to my feet and the feeling I got had me glued to my seat.
One by one ladies slid down the rainbow into my life saying hello and lifting the mist and strife.
Ladies all with a common goal get through this time and climb out the hole.
A funny little setup the laughs don't often let up but we deal with death and fear the harsh reality of life is clear.
We are all facing the sniper we don't know which of us he's after the uncertainty is difficult for anyone outside to capture.
We listen and guide, we laugh and we've cried, we do our best to maintain some pride.
We find a way to muddle through because that's what we have to do but why it works and how it helps is simple an equation from an easy maths shelf.
I+I=We
Younger Breast Cancer Network
This post refers to the support from the Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - a support and chat group for young women with a breast cancer diagnosis in the UK.
For more information see the YBCN Facebook page.
You can also follow YBCN on Twitter @YBCN_UK
Once upon a while ago I felt almost invincible.
The days were short the years rushed by and I presumed I'd look old age in the eye.
One day last year all that changed when I found out some of my cells had become deranged.
I felt I would soon be dead, it filled me with enormous dread
I imagined motherless kids and my husband an empty bed.
The mist it gathered all around all I could do was keep close to the ground.
I felt my way through those first few days all senses were numb is all I can say.
Loved ones tried to help me by but the fear and the hurt was in their eyes.
Friends some left which made me more bereft.
The game of life had rolled my dice and the number I'd got didn't feel that nice.
The mists still remained, my life was so pained my thoughts and my fears were driving me insane.
Alone I felt and alone I was despite my lovely family I felt just one.
A girl in a waiting room one day mentioned a group that might help along the way.
A break in the clouds, a chink of light, help me along well this just might.
That break it grew what a difference it could make I hardly knew then a beautiful rainbow came bursting through.
It grew and grew right down to my feet and the feeling I got had me glued to my seat.
One by one ladies slid down the rainbow into my life saying hello and lifting the mist and strife.
Ladies all with a common goal get through this time and climb out the hole.
A funny little setup the laughs don't often let up but we deal with death and fear the harsh reality of life is clear.
We are all facing the sniper we don't know which of us he's after the uncertainty is difficult for anyone outside to capture.
We listen and guide, we laugh and we've cried, we do our best to maintain some pride.
We find a way to muddle through because that's what we have to do but why it works and how it helps is simple an equation from an easy maths shelf.
I+I=We
Younger Breast Cancer Network
This post refers to the support from the Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - a support and chat group for young women with a breast cancer diagnosis in the UK.
For more information see the YBCN Facebook page.
You can also follow YBCN on Twitter @YBCN_UK
Dear Chemo
Author: Sarah
Dear Chemo
I'm writing to tell you we're through, I've just had enough of you.
I am so glad we're done and I can't say it's been fun.
You've taken some of my hair up top and all from downstairs.
You've taken my lashes and given me rashes.
You've stolen some joy and made me quite coy.
You've made me frown and sometimes feel very down.
You've been vicious and with you nothing tastes delicious.
You've caused frequent tears and plenty of fears.
You've made me swell and feel of my normal friends quite jel.
You've burnt my veins and blocked up my personal drains!
You've stolen my nose hair and left my eyebrows bare.
You've made my eyes water and given me bum traumas.
You've embarrassed me beyond belief making my nose run down past my teeth.
You've made me vomit and being pain free, well far from it.
You've messed with my mind and to a social life left me quite blind.
You've caused friends to pity me and even stopped me drinking tea.
You've caused me to miss so much and I hate my life thus.
This can't go on what you do to my body is all wrong.
Our relationship is done but the reality makes me quite numb.
Leaving you makes sense but the last 5 months have been so intense.
I'll miss you, your routine, your support, your highs, your lows but you are too much for me I can't take you anymore.
But before I walk out the door for hopefully the last time I want to say Thank you. Without you my future life would look so very different to how it looks today, in fact it would be even more uncertain.
You've moulded me, changed me, stripped me bare and beaten me down but I will rise again and I will rebuild myself stronger more resilient, healthier and happier than before and I will live! Thanks to you, Chemo.
PS can we stay friends I just want to hedge my bets just in case I can't live without you.
Goodbye with love from the bottom of my heart under my wonky boobed chest!
Sarah
Dear Chemo
I'm writing to tell you we're through, I've just had enough of you.
I am so glad we're done and I can't say it's been fun.
You've taken some of my hair up top and all from downstairs.
You've taken my lashes and given me rashes.
You've stolen some joy and made me quite coy.
You've made me frown and sometimes feel very down.
You've been vicious and with you nothing tastes delicious.
You've caused frequent tears and plenty of fears.
You've made me swell and feel of my normal friends quite jel.
You've burnt my veins and blocked up my personal drains!
You've stolen my nose hair and left my eyebrows bare.
You've made my eyes water and given me bum traumas.
You've embarrassed me beyond belief making my nose run down past my teeth.
You've made me vomit and being pain free, well far from it.
You've messed with my mind and to a social life left me quite blind.
You've caused friends to pity me and even stopped me drinking tea.
You've caused me to miss so much and I hate my life thus.
This can't go on what you do to my body is all wrong.
Our relationship is done but the reality makes me quite numb.
Leaving you makes sense but the last 5 months have been so intense.
I'll miss you, your routine, your support, your highs, your lows but you are too much for me I can't take you anymore.
But before I walk out the door for hopefully the last time I want to say Thank you. Without you my future life would look so very different to how it looks today, in fact it would be even more uncertain.
You've moulded me, changed me, stripped me bare and beaten me down but I will rise again and I will rebuild myself stronger more resilient, healthier and happier than before and I will live! Thanks to you, Chemo.
PS can we stay friends I just want to hedge my bets just in case I can't live without you.
Goodbye with love from the bottom of my heart under my wonky boobed chest!
Sarah
Saturday, 9 May 2015
Facing Cancer in the Mirror
Author: Heather L
Facing Cancer in the Mirror
My body is a constellation of stars
Each one a different lifetime,
How things were, how they are, how they still might be
Burning white hot, but also blazing with the fire of existence
Sometimes I can’t breathe
Overwhelmed by the magnitude of the starry sky
But for today, and maybe tomorrow too
It is a map to find my way out of the darkness.
Facing Cancer in the Mirror
My body is a constellation of stars
Each one a different lifetime,
How things were, how they are, how they still might be
Burning white hot, but also blazing with the fire of existence
Sometimes I can’t breathe
Overwhelmed by the magnitude of the starry sky
But for today, and maybe tomorrow too
It is a map to find my way out of the darkness.
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