I have been cheated and let down, this thought causes such a heavy frown.
The stress I feel to those around me seems so unreal.
They still see their bodies as unfailing machines. Whereas I have faith in not one part of my body it seems.
Sleep is a blissful respite but on waking I begin to feel the fright.
This society of blame and claim has not helped life in the cancer game.
I seek reassurance even though it comes without insurance.
My caring consultant cannot deliver what I crave to calm my imagination for fear of litigation.
But two years believing there will be years galore would free me more than ten believing there would only be four.
It has already happened I am the scenario unlikely so how do I face a new freckle and believe I am not the minority.
Each day brings fleeting aches, new symptoms all creating mental earthquakes.
The internet has become synonymous with the devil in my head. A prophecy of doom lies on every thread.
Day to day life is all in all back to normal but how do I know which new fear I make formal.
My doctor I'm sure views me with both pity and disdain I feel unable to visit again and again!
Where does that leave me? The scar still remaining mocks me daily with its lumpy irregular formation.
Daring me to roll that dice and risk missing what could so cruelly happen twice.
If my husband betrayed me I could chose to remove him from my life. It's not so easy when what betrayed me also sustains my life.