I went on a very well earned holiday.
It was promised to me the day I was diagnosed by my husband. "Pick whatever you want,we can go wherever,you just need to finish that shit!!!".
Needless to say,this 'shit' will never be over,it will always be in the back of my head....
In my last meeting with my counsellor, before I left ,it was agreed that it would be interesting to see if I'm capable not to think about it.
I failed!!!...
I constantly think about the philosopher Kant, that said:" you can never step into the same water twice." No,I definitely can't!!! I will never be the same person. When I put my foot in the sea,I thought to myself,this hair never been to the sea, these boobs never been to sea and this person has never been to the sea...
This person has never lost a friend to the same illness that she had/has...
Last week we went few of us to a shiva. For the ones of you don't know what it is, it the Jewish seven days of mourning after someone dies. Our friend Rosie,had passed away. She had breast cancer that had metastasised to her liver. She was one the most special people I have spoken to, we never met. We all celebrated her life with some sparkly,the way she would have wanted us to do.
One of us said:"we should live our life to the fullest,we don't know what can happen tomorrow,we could be hit by a truck." This is something that every cancer patient always hear from everyone.
I said:" I can tell you I'd be fucking angry if after all that a truck would kill me!!!" So since chemo I'm very careful while crossing the road. But I will definitely live my life to the fullest!!!
This person has entered the see today...
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