So I made my deal with God, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. He can take me when my boys have finished school, college and university. Not any time sooner! They need me. I don’t want them growing up without their Mummy. I don’t want them being screwed up when they’re older.
Being a mum is the only thing in life that I got really right. The only thing I wanted and loved to do. I appreciate it, the journey I have had to get them both and my love for them is indescribable.
I made a deal with God, hoping, praying he would hear me. I’m not religious but if there is a God, I hope he hears my plea.
After surgery, chemo, radiotherapy, counselling, hormone treatment, going into the menopause at 31, surely he can give me a break? Surely he will grant my one wish?
He can take me when my babies are grown men, when they don’t need me so much. But I’m an adult and I still need my Mum, will they still need me then?
I made a deal with God, he can take me when my children have families of their own. My husband will be there for them. A wonderful, loving family unit.
My husband keeps making plans for the future, when we’re old. So I make a deal with God, he can take me when my husband and I have made so many more memories together. I want to grow old with him so much.
Maybe I can make another deal with God. That I will do good in the world and be the best possible human being I can be and he will let me die of old age. An old lady surrounded by all my family.
And it’s peaceful. And it’s calm and they will be ok without me.
So God, if you’re watching or listening, if you even exist, deal or no deal?
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Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.
Check your breasts
Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.
Further information and support:
Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.
Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.
The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments
Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.
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