Breast cancer awareness month: Fragile heart, lock it up

Author: Anonymous


"It's cancer." Your world falls apart.


Chemo.
You throw up. Your throat hurts.
You cry. Your head hurts.
Your scalp hurts. Your hair falls out. You cry. Your head hurts more.
Your veins tighten and harden. You can't straighten your arm.
You imagine dying.
You can't sleep. Your head hurts. Your eyes hurt.
Your eyebrows thin. Your eyelashes thin.
You look ill. You look ugly. You feel sad.
They scan you. You expect the worst. You're afraid. You cry. You feel sick.
It's good news. You don't really trust it. You still expect the worst.
Your eyebrows and eyelashes disappear. You're ugly.
You catch your reflection in a mirror. You cry.
The steroids keep you up all night. The steroids make you bloated.
Your mouth hurts. You can't taste the food you are eating purely to bury your emotions.
You get fat. You cry some more.
Your fingernails turn yellow. Your toenails turn yellow. You look like a monster.


Surgery.
Sliced. Chopped. Rearranged.
The real ones tried to kill you. Have fake ones instead.
Skin is numb. Scars remind you.
You hate them.


Radiotherapy.
Lay on the table every day. Piece of dodgy meat. Everyone leaves the room.
Your skin burns.
You're exhausted.
You're done.
Now just take the tablets.


Be happy, be grateful. You're alive.
You have boy's hair. You feel fat. You are scarred. The tablets make you sweat.
But still. Be happy, be grateful. You're alive.


People think you're strong. You aren't.
Your skin is thin. Your heart is fragile. Your confidence is low.
The only way to protect your heart from being broken is to not let anyone near it.
You lock it up.

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Write for the blog! This blog is one of a series being shared on the Young Women's Breast Cancer Blog UK during October, breast cancer awareness month, but the blog is here year round. If you are a young woman in the UK who has/had a breast cancer diagnosis and you would like to be a part of this blog, please have a read of the additional information here.

Check your breasts

Breast cancer can happen to any of us - regardless of age. Information about how to check your breasts can be found on the Coppafeel and Breast Cancer Now websites.

Further information and support:

Younger Breast Cancer Network UK - an online chat and support group for women under the age of 45 in the UK who have had a breast cancer diagnosis.

Baldly Beautiful - a YouTube channel with make up demonstrations, created by Mac makeup artist Andrea Pellegrini who went through chemo herself in 2014.

Take A Moment - This is a group for women (all ages) who have/had breast cancer who want to explore, reflect on and express their feelings and experiences through photography. This is a link to the public page - to join the group, send them a message.

The Osborne Trust - Providing children of parents with cancer the opportunity to access time out recreational activities whilst their parents undergo operations and treatments

Jen's Friends - Free heart-shaped pillows for women (and men) with Breast Cancer. Designed to provide comfort and protection after a Mastectomy operation.


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